A Series of Foiled Attempts
by TheGreenEyedIdiot
Summary: Post-DH, final year of Hogwarts. Ginny, Luna and Hermione change spectacuarly for their last year of Hogwarts. Several people notice, and tangled plot-lines ensue. *eyebrow waggle* I have no summary skills, but behold! A new story!
1. Plans and Revelations

Disclaimer: Not mine. Oh, except the plot, that is mine. Not that that makes up in any way for the fact that I don't own Sirius Black.

"3, 2, 1 – Happy New Year!"

The shout went up from the Burrow's Kitchen and many a mismatched cup filled sparingly with champagne – which Harry had insisted on buying - was raised into the air and clinked noisily against each other, before being drained and refilled with Butterbeer or some other more sensible/alcoholic drink.

While as far as beverages go champagne is among the most useless, (second only to that Ginger beer stuff - not even alcoholic!) the combination of bubbles and alcohol had set the 17-year-old Ginny Weasley's head to fogging up pleasantly and she found herself dancing rather more exuberantly with Luna, Tonks and Hermione than she might otherwise have done given her current emotional state.

(Her current emotional state being unbelievably devastated, obviously.)

She was trying to force herself to focus on Tonks' hair which she had grown long and curly for the occasion and which was currently flashing from red to gold to blue to silver in time with the music, and not look at the bloody Potter.

This was, however, proving unexpectedly difficult.

It was as though he had grown to the size of Hagrid in the time since they had broken up and every space that wasn't taken up with Tonks' flying hair somehow seemed to contain a Harry. Sensing her fury, Hermione strode over to Ginny and said loudly "Gin, Luna, I need your help," she pointed to a rip in the back of her new dress, (which incidentally was smoking slightly as though it had recently been subject to a minor hex,) and continued "I'd do it myself, but I can't aim properly at my own back."

Smiling in relief, and at the terrible lying, Ginny excused herself upstairs with the girls to get at some Harryless air.

Flopping onto her bed, Ginny sighed, "Bless you Hermione, you are a dear."

"I know."

"It's just that he's everywhere! But he's not actually everywhere, obviously. I'm not crazy. I don't know how he's doing it. I'm convinced he's invented some sort of spell that allows him to be everywhere at the same time but still just in one place and he's done it deliberately to anger me, because I'm not crazy." Ginny glared at the door, as though it was the one who had brought her sanity into question.

"He can't expect you to just take that, he's the one who broke up with you, he's in the wrong, not you, you're an independent woman, (free the elves,) you don't need him, he's a bastard." Luna nodded, flipping slowly through a copy of _Witch Weekly_.

/I feel I should explain that Luna has taken to subliminally telling people to free the elves. Not house elves, Tibetan Mining Elves; which hundreds of years ago were mistaken for dwarves- look. It doesn't matter. I'm just trying to add a bit of culture, don't worry./

Ginny nodded, slowly. "Yes. Yes I see your point. You're saying that this isn't my fault. That I should make a fresh start, a new year! I don't need him!" Her eyes glazed over as she stared at the article Luna was currently perusing "Hold your hippogriffs men," She held out a hand to the startled faces of Luna and Hermione. "I have a plan."

"Oh dear. I refuse."

"No no nonono Hermione. No. You see, my plan is mystical and unexpected and marvellous and," she finished triumphantly, "Involves eyeliner."

"Eyeliner?"

"Eyeliner."

"How much?"

"As much as it takes."

"Good grief."

"Also, we must plan for the plan. This is a plan that requires planning and probably pre-planning and lists, and the possibility of shortened snack breaks." Luna finally looked up. Ginny nodded and said, "Yes. I know. But the end result will be worth it, what with all the resultant hotness and ultimate revenge, you see."

"Hotness?"

"Yes. Because of the eyeliner and shortened snack breaks."

"I see."

"Happy New Year!" Several live doves exploded from the hors d'oeuvres in a shower of green sparks as the cry went up, and crystal champagne flutes were raised in celebration as the large crowd assembled in the Malfoy ballroom welcomed in the new year in true pure-blood style – extravagantly and with lots of green stuff.

A large fountain sunk into the centre of the silver (and green) dance floor was flowing with a never-ending stream of the world's finest champagne, an orchestra of real wood nymphs played on the raised stage, and the astoundingly rich mingled with the impossibly beautiful at this, the most exclusive event of the year.

Also, the level of blood purity in the room would probably cause He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to have some kind of orgasm.

Draco Malfoy pulled away from the Italian girl with whom he had been sharing the tradition of starting the New Year with a kiss, and ruffled his hair out of his eyes. (He took great care to ruffle, not smooth. Smooth was not a good look if you had features as defined (read: pointy) as the youngest Malfoy.) Blaise Zabini was on his left with a skinny blonde distant relative draped across him who was trying desperately to engage his attention for more than three seconds at a time. However Blaise, as ever, looked sort of vaguely disgusted at the technically incestuous flirting.

Draco yawned discreetly, counting the seconds before his mother wouldn't consider it rude for him to call for a refill of his glass.

Casting around dully for a distraction, his gaze came to rest on his parents. They were opposite sides of the room, but their stances and expressions were identical, and occasionally they would look towards each other for assurance that they were doing all right, all was going to plan, that the other was performing their role seamlessly, so on and so forth. His father was a vision in green, his mother looked decidedly like a mouldy icicle with a confusingly attractive head.

His father suddenly moved energetically over to Severus Snape and Draco was reminded forcibly of two enormous bats gathering to chat aimiably about their day. He sniggered attractively.

Draco knocked back the last drops in his glass inelegantly, his musings exhausted. He glanced briefly at the Italian girl. She seemed to have trying to get his attention for a while, but he had no patience for stunningly beautiful foreign supermodels tonight. He turned away from her again and lamented the fact that his parents hadn't ordered anything stronger. His mother was many things, but stupid was not one of them.

Trying to focus his eyes on the girl in front of him again, but with no real reason to keep them there other than a pair of perfectly proportioned tits, his mind inevitably wondered. To Blaise Zabini.

Reluctantly letting his memory out if its box, Draco sank into recollection.

It was 9pm. Parties that his mother organised were generally dull until the champagne really started flowing and since most of the guests had barely been there an hour it seemed unreasonable to suggest that they all get smashed just yet.

Draco had just escaped from a deeply detailed and one-sided conversation about the pros and cons of using actual dragon hide for jackets as opposed to fake with his great uncle on his father's side, Draco decided to get himself a cheeky snack. However, in order to avert all invitations to join in on repetitive small talk as much as possible, he devised a cunning plan.

Instead of taking the rather more conventional route straight across the hall, Draco decided he would take the path less travelled (less travelled because of it's complex staircases and general stupidity) and go out of the hall by the door on this side, up the main stairs, through the library, down the servant's corridor, left, left again, up some different stairs, quick leap across the balcony, down some other stairs, along the gallery, through secret passage in wall, across small courtyard, across a final corridor, and enter through the door on the other side of the hall.

Or, he would have done, he nearly made it, but his plan was foiled just as he was walking through the courtyard. By the sound of shagging. Now, Draco was not a man to let a source of shagging go uninvestigated, and he paused to glance behind a statue of Dmitri Malfoy holding the head of a house elf, and had seen… well.

That was the problem.

It wasn't the fact that Blaise was the one doing the shagging. It wasn't even that Blaise was shagging a man. (He'd had his suspicions.) It as the fact that the man bent over his great-great-grandfather's memorial bench, having his hair tugged on rather violently by his best friend, was…

Oh bloody hell.

It was Seamus Finnegan.

Seamus.

Most-Likely-Unprenouncable-Irish-Middle-Name.

Finnegan.

How exactly the Irish half-blood had come to be in his courtyard remained a source of mild confusion to Draco, but he was having a hard time seeing that as the main issue.

So, after muttering "Well, feck me sideways" in a comically Irish way, he sank to the ground and hit himself in the head, trying his hardest to wake himself up and find that it was all a very, very weird dream. It wasn't.

Draco shook his head slightly to rouse himself from his recollections.

Finnegan, Blaise had said afterwards when Draco could be roused from his faint, was a test to see exactly how potent his powers of seduction were.

Draco wondered (quietly, to himself) what the real thing was like if Finnegan had been 'just a test'. Quietly, because he didn't actually want to know the answer and Zabini would definitely tell him. Or show him.

Shudder.

Looking around himself suddenly, he was only slightly surprised to see that the girl had left, and was now being chatted up by Theo Nott. Resisting the urge to look over at Zabini, Draco made a New Year's resolution:

That this year would be marginally good.

(As in: no death/being tortured/Lemon and marmite pancakes. That was a step too far down the 'experimental breakfast' road. And all of those things could definately be called beyond a shadow of a doubt 'quite bollocks'.

Hermione exhaled in relief, lowering her copy of "101 Helpful Charms For Witches", which she had open on the page for perfect bambi-esque eye makeup. Ginny opened her eyes hopefully and turned to the mirror to see Hermione's handiwork.

There was a pause.

"Hermione."

"Yes?"

"It seems you are a genius in most of the ways."

Hermione smiled wisely. "Yes."

Luna changed places with Ginny to sit in front of a steadily more and more nervous-looking Hermione as the brunette flicked to an earmarked page labelled "Sexy Blonde Chop".

Hermione raised her wand.

Luna's face twitched.

Thirteen very tense minutes later Hermione lowered her wand and told Luna,

"You look like a raging sex goddess."

"Is this good?"

"It's very very good," Ginny held up the mirror to Luna's face. "You are so buff at this moment I can actually sort of feel myself turning gay."

"Oh, good." Luna looked up at Ginny, "I'm glad you fancy me."

"Er. That's quite alright Luna."

A/N: NEW STORY!

As the description suggests, this is a Draco/Ginny story, but it also includes Hermione/? and Luna/?, as is made startlingly obvious in about the first 200 words of the next chapter. Woohoo! Obvious plotlines! And if they weren't obvious I just told you. Dammit, who writes these things?

Also, I feel I should make clear that I live in a sort of bubble of denial in which Tonks and Remus live on. They are not dead in this story because it makes me cry to cut them out :( (Thanks GMM for pointing out that I am a forgetful tit!)

R&R?

Love you, unspecified humans!

TheGreenEyedIdiot x


	2. Ferrets and Mime

A/N: New chapter!

Thanks everyone who put this on story alert/favorited, and thanks again to GMM for pointing out my timeline issues, all resolved now.

Warning: this chapter contains some mindless self indulgence. (Not the reasonably good metal band, the actual stuff) I'm sorry. I like writing sexy descriptions of people.

It also contains the use of mime. Utilised very sexily by Blaise Zabini. Just so you know.

Disclaimer: Still no.

It had to be said, with Lord Moldy out of the way life was significantly less painful and involved a lot less genocide and definately seemed to reduce the chances of his father dying prematurely, of natural causes or otherwise.

Despite being slightly pissed off at the realisation that his parents wanted him to retake his final year, Draco Malfoy was discovering that he was actually quite excited to be returning to Hogwarts. It beat hiding in the library where the books whispered insults at you to avoid lectures about business from his father, anyway.

While relieved it was no longer strained speeches about how all muggle-borns were evil conniving lying cheating stealing bastards with contaminated blood, Business, Draco had discovered, was the Most Horrifically Boring of All Subjects. Possibly in the universe.

He strode along platform 9 3/4 next to his mother, his father walking at a leisurely pace slightly behind them. He held the gold cage containing his owl, Hebe, in his right hand, and his mother's be-gloved hand in his left. His father levitated Draco's heavy trunk along behind them. He stopped to kiss his mother and shake hands with him father, before levitating his trunk onto the rack above the seats and putting Hebe on the floor. He leant out of the compartment window, flagging down Blaise and bestowing a final goodbye on his parents.

Or, well, he would have done. This sequence of events was cut short somewhere between 'flag Blaise down' and 'bestow final farewell on parents', so he was left hanging out of the carriage with one hand hanging limply in the air and his mouth slightly ajar. This, however, did not phase Draco, as he had recently learnt the meaning of life.

(Not really, but, well, you know, boys will be boys)

What in Merlin's name was it? There were three of them, and had Draco not known that all Veelas were blonde he would have had definite suspicions. One was brunette. She was slightly taller than her friends and had very long, glossy hair that hung in spirals down her back. She had slightly tan skin that hinted she had been away during the holidays. She was skinny – almost straight up and down, which wasn't really Draco's style but hey, who was picky? She had wide brown eyes that made her look like a deer caught in headlights and a small mouth. Her limbs were thin and fashionably angular.

The second girl was blonde. She was slightly shorter than the other two with a willowy frame but surprising large breasts. Her hair was cropped to shoulder length in Debbie Harry-esque clouds of blonde. Her eyes were enormous and a dreamy blue-grey. Her mouth was bow-shaped and dark red, and her limbs were long and supple-looking.

But that was all gleaned with a proportionally smaller piece of Draco's brain. The majority of his thoughts were occupied with the redhead.

She was in the middle of her friends, height-wise. She had heavy, wildly curly red hair which was layered all the way down to the small of her back, and caramel-coloured eyes framed with thick lashes. Her mouth was large, with plump lips; pale skin that he was certain would gain a few freckles come summer time, and beautiful, beautiful curves, showcased wonderfully in those high-waisted shorts. Her limbs were Quidditch-toned and slender.

They stood in a loose group, chatting between themselves but also looking around, as if they were waiting for someone. Draco, being Draco, came to the natural conclusion that it was him they were waiting for, and began waving energetically in their direction. Blaise, who was strolling over slowly, looked about himself in confusion.

"Draco. Draco, I'm right here."

Draco looked down at his best friend, snorted imperiously and said "I wasn't waving at _you._ I'm waving at them."

Saying the words seemed to make what he was doing clearer to himself and he immediately dropped his hand, ruffling his hair on the way back down.

He inwardly gave himself a gold star for smoothness.

While continuing to stare at the girls.

Blaise had cocked his head to one side and was gazing at Draco in a way that suggested the blond was some kind of experiment on human nature. Then, apparently deciding that there was nothing that could be done, hopped into the carriage, pushed Draco into his seat - "Sit _down _you nonce." - and then sat down opposite.

"Who are they?" Draco began at once.

"Well, that's reasonably obvious."

"Huh? Wait, Blaise," a terrible though struck Draco, "You haven't bonked them have you?"

"What? No! I'm only really into blondes. Remember Seamus?" Draco repressed a shudder. "Anyway the red hair should've given it away. And I know you don't like Granger much but even you can't be that oblivious. Dunno 'bout Blondie though, I'll have to have a chat with her."

Blaise, unaware that Draco had had an anuerism about the time he had said 'red hair', grinned in anticipation of his conversation with Blondie, calmly unfolded a copy on the Prophet and ripped open a liquorice wand.

"She's... Weasley? She's a Weasley? That's the Weaslette?"

If Blaise had glasses he would have peered reproachfully over them. As it was he had to employ the use of mime, and only narrowly avoided looking like an elderly mole due to a lucky combination of genetics and his own general hotness.

"Draco. Come on."

As Blaise turned back to his paper in disgust as his friend's blatent sexism, the very girls they had just been discussing peered in. The chattering and giggling stopped instantly, and the girls went quiet too. (hahahahaha.)

"Oh we thought this one was free never mind come on." The Weaslette said, very fast and all in one breath.

Just as they turned away, Draco, despite Blaise's very obviously miming of OMGSHUTUP, couldn't resist a jibe.

"All right, Weaslette? Granger? Looks like you managed to.. scrub up well - quite well.. this year."

All right, so it was a bad jibe.

Hermione turned around, naturally wide eyes even wider with laughter, "Christ, Malfoy, was that a _compliment_?"

"Er.." Draco turned to Blaise desperately, but he shrugged as if to say 'You've well and truly made a tit of yourself now, haven't you? Well, I'm not helping you.'

"Er, no. And... and don't get used to it. Not you or your blonde friend."

Draco mentally removed the gold star.

Ginny turned to Malfoy in amazement, "You don't know who this is? Oh, brilliant, that's hilarious."

And they went.

Blaise looked at Malfoy over his newspaper, happy now that he could peer reproachfully over something. "Well Draco, are you happy now?"

"Not necessarily."

"No? Not happy because you just made an enormous prat out of yourself in front of some of the fittest girls we know?"

"Bugger off."

"Well, what have you learned from this?"

"Always listen to you/pay attention to your miming?"

"No Draco, just don't speak. Ever."

Ginny, Luna and Hermione managed to grab one of the first coaches outside the station, and bundled inside. As they trundled up towards the castle Luna piped up,

"I have noticed that Malfoy is considerably less clashy this year."

Ginny looked up.

"Huh?"

"His texture," Luna continued patiently, "He used to be a bit confusing, angle-wise. Pointy features + smoothy-smooth hair = texture overload. I see he had managed to counter this by making his hair more pointy, thus making himself look distinctly less like an elf, and more like a reasonably attractive human."

Hermione giggled, which then turned into a full blown laugh as she pictured Malfoy as he was this morning compared to in previous years. "You're right. He has grown, texture-wise."

Ginny, however, looked stricken. "Reasonably attractive? Come on, Malfoy's not attractive. He's a squirmy, shiny ferret-man with unnaturally blonde hair."

"Well, if that's how you choose to see it."

"It's not what I choose, it's what is there! Malfoy is clearly a ferrety smarmy git with extremely shiny hair."

"Well, I see a tall, blonde, slightly nordic-looking bloke, with very alluring eyes." Hermione folded her hands in her lap. Luna nodded her agreement.

"I disagree."

"And he has a very nice body." Luna concluded.

The feast was as usual, Professor McGonagall gave a rousing speech, commending those who had fought in the war (at this point she turned slightly away from the Slytherin table. Can't think why.), and bidding younger students to learn from the mistakes of their generation. By this time, of course, Ron and Harry had joined the girls and much more pressing matters than the war were on the boys' minds.

Skirts.

"Gin, for Christ's sake. I can see your bare legs through the gap in your robes. What are you wearing under there?"

"Shorts." Ginny answered nonchalantly, stuffing chips into her mouth.

"Shorts? Shorts?" Ron hissed,

"Yes Ronald. They're these things, people wear them. They're like trousers only shorter."

"I know what shorts are Ginny, but why are _you_ wearing them?"

"Because, Ronald, I'm a girl. That sort of thing happens when you're a girl. Just like wearing skirts, make-up, getting breasts- Oh, Harry, you should probably whack on the back. I think he's going to die."

Ron did indeed look a bit purple. As he managed to get his breath back he turned to Hermione.

"And you. You never normally wear your skirt this short. I can see all the way up your l-" he stopped at the glare on Hermione's face.

"Oh, sorry Ron. Have we reminded you that we're not actually male?"

Ron pondered that for a moment, and then changed tack. "But look what you've done to poor Luna, look! It's wrong to do that to a girl that young."

Ginny puffed up with rage, "Luna's the same age as me, Ron, and we're both seventeen - both of age!"

"Oh." Ron's looked as though he hadn't actually realised that his sister was of age until that moment, nor that Luna was too.

"Luna looks great. And she doesn't look like she's complaining, does she?" Hermione added.

Luna was indeed being eyed with interest by several boys at this precise moment, one of them - to their surprise - being Blaise Zabini.

"Oh, you tell them Harry, there's no getting through to these people."

"Actually, they are of age...I don't think there's anything-"

"And," Ron turned suddenly, pointing his fork at them. "I don't remember you asking mum's permission to do all this!"

He looked triumphant, and bit down on a potato in a self-congratulatory way.

"Ron. Come on, be serious. You don't actually think Mrs. Weasley is upset that her only daughter is looks more feminine, do you? She's been horrifically excited all holiday, you would know that if you'd been there."

Ron looked mildly guilty. On Boxing day Harry, Ron and Hermione were whisked away by the Ministry for publicity, official briefings on the events of the final battle, award ceremonies and other such things. Hermione was able to return home by New years eve, but Harry and Ron stayed on, basically spending their holiday draining Ministry corporate accounts. They popped home only once, for New years, and then buggered off again.

As Ron was burying his face in his plate and looked unlikely to surface for some time, Hermione and Ginny decided to leave, and collected Luna on their way to the dormitories.

Draco and Blaise watched them go. (Along with half of the male population of Hogwarts, but that's irrelevent.)

Draco turned to Blaise and said, "I suppose they'll be going to their dormitory now."

"I suppose."

"Do you think they'll take Blondie too?"

"I don't know, looks like she's a Ravenclaw."

"I hope they do." He paused. "What do you think they do in their dormitory?"

"That's the beauty of it, Draco. We don't know. We just don't know."


	3. Nicknames and Fantasies

A/N: Another chapter!

Thanks to Nutmeg44 for reviewing - I love it too! Enjoy.

and again to GMM () - Sorry, no mime in this one, promise there'll be more soon though. And THANK YOU. You are an extremely nice person.

If you like it, please review! For my sake. Otherwise next time you hear from me I'll probably be weeping because everyone hates my writing :(

Not really.

But review anyway, it gives me ego boostage :D

Love you all!

TheGreenEyedIdiot xx

Disclaimer: I don't understand why I do this every chapter. NOT MINE.

Having successfully smuggled Luna into their dormitory for the night, the girls woke up the next morning feeling collectively rather fantastic.

So much so that Ginny actually woke up humming.

"Hmmm, hmmhmm _hmmmm, _h-hmmm hmm hmmm…"

"Gin."

"Hmm, h-hmm, h-hmm _hmmm."_

"Gin."

"Yes dear?"

"What are you humming?"

"I'm not sure, I woke up and it just came to me."

"Lovely."

Feeling too magnanimous to even be annoyed at the tuneless noise which sounded distinctly like a half-dead kneazle/goblin cross, (commonly known as a knoblin) Hermione rolled cheerfully out of bed, hit herself rather painfully on the stone floor, got up again and went to have a shower.

On entering the bathroom she discovered Luna in front of the large mirror.

"Morning, Luna!" Called Hermione, clambering into one of the stalls and cheerfully beginning to lather.

"Morning 'mione. Do you think I look like the kind of person who enjoys being grabbed, pulled into an alcove and snogged senseless on an unplanned 5am stroll through the school?

Hermione's rinsing and repeating was called to a halt. She opened the cubicle door and peered out.

She took a long look at her friend

"Yes."

"Oh, good." Luna smiled. "I may be out at 5am tomorrow morning, by the way."

"Oh." Hermione said, "How come?"

"I think I'm going to be having an unplanned stroll through the castle."

"Righto."

_Lather, rinse, repeat._

Ginny was hunting for pants when Hermione returned. Literally hunting. She had a net.

"Gin, what are you doing?"

"I think some bastard's put a charm on my knickers, they keep gambolling about like idiots."

"Had you considered that using your wand to make a net was perhaps the slower option?"

"Not until just now." Ginny straightened out of her hunting crouch, pushed her hair out of her face, and waved her wand. "I_mmobulus_!" The various knickers which had indeed been frolicking and playing about the room came to an immediate halt, frozen comically for a moment before collapsing to the ground.

"Thanks, Hermione. Sometimes it takes a while for me to adjust to being allowed to use magic again."

"But you used it to conjure a net?"

"Oh, no. I just found that lying around. Christ knows how it got here, but I'm not complaining."

Hermione shook her head in amazement, and Luna finally left the bathroom. After dressing speedily they made their way out into the common room, did a skirt-patrol check (Ron.) and, after ascertaining that the coast was clear, made a mad dash to the main hall for breakfast.

* * *

Draco was building a tower. Or so he said.

Blaise had been watching his friend for a good ten minutes now, over his newspaper, and so far Draco seemed not to have achieved much more than a stack of three muffins. He was working diligently, no doubt about it, but not very productively. Nonetheless, every time the fourth muffin was placed on the top, stayed for a second, wobbled precariously, and ultimately fell, Draco put it back again.

And he always looked so sad when it fell off.

Blaise was having trouble bearing the puppy-dog look Draco was giving the muffins, and was about to put a stop to it, when he noticed a flash of blonde.

_Blondie._

He smiled evilly and rubbed his hands together. Then got freaked out because he pictured himself and he looked very much like a sexy Voldemort and stopped, settling for a lascivious smile instead. But the effect was much the same, you understand.

At roughly the same time Draco caught a flash of red in the corner of his eye.

Weaslette!

He looked at Blaise.

"They've all come in together."

"Yep."

"That sort of indicates that Blondie spent the night with them."

"Yep."

"Bloody hell."

Blaise sensed that his trousers were about to have a housing problem.

_Mum bonking Cornelius Fudge, Mum bonking Cornelius Fudge…_

Better.

Draco was occupied in thoroughly checking out the Weaslette. He had had a talk with himself last night and decided he simply must have been mistaken regarding her hotness. She was a Weasley, therefore pale and freckly and ginger and weird. And probably smelly.

But he was having a hard time convincing himself of it now, with her in front of him. His gaze travelled upwards.

Legs. Not Weasley.

Bum. Not Weasley.

Tits. Woah - not Weasley.

Face. Not Weasley.

Hair. Definitely Weasley.

Hmm. There was a pattern here. A similar thing had happened to Granger, but there was literally no feature he could recognise from the old bushy-haired buck-toothed Granger he remembered.

And, of course, there was Blondie, whoever the hell she was.

What the hell had happened while he had been hiding in the library and arguing fruitlessly with books?

Blaise, as ever, was weirdly in tune with his thoughts.

"They got fit, mate."

* * *

After breakfast Hermione said goodbye to Ginny and Luna, heading to potions while they went to charms. Her good mood from the morning had stayed with her, a conspicuous lack of Ronald at the breakfast table aiding her lower-than-average levels of background annoyance.

She started humming Ginny's made up tune from the morning.

"Hermione!"

"Hmm, h-hmm, hmmmm _hmmm,"_

"Hermione?"

"Oh, hello Theodore."

"Er. Hey." Standing next to her was Theo Nott, a Slytherin she had been marginally friendly with in her sixth year ever since they had been paired with each other for a DADA project.

He rumpled his hair. "Hermione, how many times have I told you to call me Theo now?"

"Oh, I don't know. Thousands." Hermione liked Theo, he reminded her of a young Remus. If he had been in Slytherin.

He grinned, "How about you start doing it? Clever girl like you, I'm sure you've understood the request by now."

Hermione laughed in a carefree manner, "Alright. Just for you Theodore."

Theo shook his head and followed Hermione into potions, to her surprise taking the seat next to her.

As Slughorn detailed the next weeks' work Theo slid a note across the desk.

_You and your friends have certainly made a splash this year. ;)_

Hermione read the note twice. Then looked up at Theo, who waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Hermione blushed slightly and then scribbled back.

_What? With who?_

Theo rolled his eyes.

_Well, you know, just the whole school. Bloody hell, Granger, haven't you noticed? Even Draco couldn't stop talking about Weasley last night. And Blaise with the blonde one._

_You mean Luna?_

_That's Lovegood?_

_Of course, you imbecile._

_That's bloody brilliant. Wait 'til I tell Blaise. Seriously, though, I would've thought you'd been snapped up for the next three Hogmeade weekends by now._

_Bugger off._

_What? You haven't? Haven't you noticed whenever you walk into the great hall half the school is watching? The boys and the lesbians?_

_Kinky._

_That's me._

At this Slughorn swooped out of seemingly nowhere to ask Hermione what the third step in making polyjuice potion was.

After answering correctly – to Slughorn's delight – Hermione glanced shyly at Theo. He glanced back and put his thumbs up. Hermione looked around discreetly for the note, before noticing Theo slipping something into his pocket.

Her stomach swooped.

* * *

The mission was simple. Obtain the Blonde one. Or, at least, it should be simple. Considering their chance meeting last night whilst wandering the school and the very-nearly snog that took place Blaise had perhaps become slightly too complacent.

"Go on."

"No."

"Just the first letter?"

"Fine."

"Really?"

"No."

"Oh come on." Blaise pleaded, "It's just your name - what's in a name?"

"I agree - that which we call by any other name would smell as sweet." Luna grinned smugly.

"Hmm. Perhaps I didn't think that quote through properly."

"No."

"Can I at least see you later?"

"Perhaps."

"Blondie!"

Luna raised her eyebrow.

"Well, you won't give me your real name. I have to work with what's in front of me. What about Princess? My rose? Pumpkin?"

"…"

"Sweetheart? Darling? Sugartits?"

"…."

"Light of my life! Petal?"

"I'm leaving now."

"But wait! I'm sure I've seen you before…"

"Yes. That's why I don't go there any more."

Blaise cocked an eyebrow, intrigued. Who the hell was this bird? "You wound me. But I will not be deterred," he called to Luna's retreating back. "I will know your name!"

"Dream on, Sugartits."

Blaise watched her go for a bit, then turned to a passing third year boy. "And that, son, is what we call 'A Cheeky Minx'."

"A cheeky minx?"

"Yes, but never to their face."

"A cheeky minx, but not their face."

"That's it, son." Blaise looked fondly at the kid, ruffled his hair, and strode off along the corridor.

* * *

Ginny was not having fun in transfiguration. Despite having a questionable talent for the subject, Professor McGonagall had obviously instructed the new professor to move her into an advanced class, which meant she was sitting opposite Hermione and trying with all her might to non-verbally turn the brunette's arms into 'something creative and beautiful, use your imagination!'

The new professor was a bit like that. Interested in individual expression and such.

It wasn't working anyway, and it didn't help that she had recently had rose vines for arms. Hermione had conjured thornless roses but it was still reasonably bloody uncomfortable, especially when they started trying to drag her towards the light from the window.

The window in the astromony tower.

Which was four flights away.

Also, Malfoy was darting little glances at her from across the room. She could only speculate on why and she assumed he had come up with a new and interesting way to annoy her.

Well. Whatever. It wasn't affecting her concentration or anything.

Why was he so blond? It was unnatural.

"Hermione, why is Malfoy so blond?"

Hermione sighed. "Oh, maybe he's part elf."

"You think?"

"Gin, I have no idea. Shut up and transfigure me."

Ginny took this information on board.

"But it's just unnatural. It keeps winking at me in the corner of my eye. It's just this bloody glittery winking shiny thing up there on his head, 24/7. It's infuriating."

"Uh huh. You could try turning them into pearl necklaces?"

"I really don't think that will help with the shiny scenario. If anything, 'Mione, it will probably make it worse."

"No, not Malfoy's head, my ar- Gin!"

"What?"

"You're not listening are you?"

"Not necessarily."

* * *

"Draco. Not cool."

Draco's head whipped around. "What?"

"Staring at the ladies. Drooling. Anchovies. None of these things are cool and all of them apply to you."

"Red looks angry though. Why do you think she looks angry? Looks like she's angry with Granger. Why would you say that was? Do you think something happened last night in their dorm when they were there? Together? With Blondie?"

"I expect she looks angry because you've been staring at her for roughly forty minutes. I can't see that she'd be angry with anything that Blondie or Granger could hand out."

"I suppose. After all, they're all girls."

"Well observed."

"So nothing could've gone drastically wrong. I assume they all know what they're doing to some extent."

"Shut up."

"It's true though, isn't it? Girls know what girls like?"

"I swear to God Malfoy, if you don't shut up..."

Draco looked thoughtful, but in no way worried. "Although Granger does have quite small hands."

"Right. You've completely ruined that fantasy for me. Well done, knob."

"Mmm."

Blaise slapped him.


	4. Plots and Singing

_My Darling Queen Petal_

_I have, through sheer determination and hard work, managed to procure your name. This was no mean feat, as you are apparently known personally by very few people and you seem to have removed the name labels from all of your clothes. However my diligence has paid off, and I shall now reveal your name: You are: LUNA LOVEGOOD._

_Please remain calm._

_I myself was stunned, and since I have no way of knowing your reaction to this letter because I haven't installed magical seeing-eyes in your room to spy on you (yet), I have enclosed a panic button, a carrot and a condom. You may use these items as you see fit._

_The panic button isn't connected to anything, by the way._

_I just thought it might make you feel better knowing it's there._

_Your lover,_

_Blaise Zabini_

_Xxxxxxxxxxxx that's one kiss for every letter of you name, my darling._

Luna stared at the letter in dismay.

"What am I going to do?"

Ginny rolled onto her front. She and Luna were lying on Hermione's bed; Hermione was in the bathroom brushing her teeth.

"I'd say ignore him. He'll get bored. I mean, it's not like you've got a shortage of boys on your hands. Just find another one." Ginny said, pulling out a packet of Droobles bubble gum.

Hermione called back into the room. "Yeah. Unless of course you _want _him. In which case you definitely need to find another boy; men like Blaise never expect you to go off with someone else when they're trying to get in there. It'll confuse him. More than you've already confused him, I mean. Not telling him your name was a pretty good way to get his attention."

"I want him. Obviously."

Ginny nodded. "I don't blame you, my wise, wise friend."

"But who do I go after? Would he even notice if I started seeing someone else? I mean; it's not like we see a lot of each other. I only really see him at meal times and when he randomly sneaks up on me."

"No problem. Get someone to snog you a bit at dinner. Walk about holding hands with someone- anything!"

"I've got a better idea." Hermione came back into the room and jumped up onto her bed. "Who would he really notice if Luna started showing an interest in them? Who would he be most jealous of?"

"Draco Malfoy." Ginny leaped up excitedly. "Of course, it's perfect! Malfoy! Alright, so he's a git- doesn't matter, you don't really fancy him, it's a cunning ruse!"

"Exactamondo."

"Malfoy?"

"Yes yes, don't worry Luna. We'll look after you. Besides, you don't have to actually go on dates or anything. Just snog him."

"Yeah, and maybe shag him."

"Hermione!"

"Only if he asks nicely and uses protection."

"Better." Ginny nodded.

"Yeah, one really good date should be enough." Hermione continued. "If he likes you he'll probably brag to Blaise, which will get Blaise all fired up, which will cause him to ask you out."

"What if Draco likes it too much? What if he asks me out again?"

"Say no."

"Yeah, we'll just make it clear that it's not a _date_ date, it's just a sort-of date during which you will casually seduce him and perhaps snog him. Alright?"

"Sounds like a plan."

* * *

"What am I going to- hello ladies, you're looking wonderful today, going somewhere nice? – do about the Weaslette, Blaise?"

"I would suggest ruffling your hair." Blaise said, looking up from the sheet of notes he was perusing.

"What?"

"Well, that's your general course of action; start speaking to Blaise, interrupt to speak to passing womenfolk, ruffle hair in a smug way, then finally sink into a calming bubble of self-appreciation."

Draco sunk into a calming bubble of self-appreciation.

"You're doing it now. I can tell. You get this look in your eyes like you're about snog someone."

"What business have you got knowing how I look when I'm about to snog someone? Have you been wanking over me?"

"Yes, Draco. I'm deeply in love with you, let's get married and have lots of sexy babies."

"Piss off you ponce."

"Think of the babies! The beautiful, beautiful babies!"

Draco was already halfway across the common room by now and earning himself some rather bizarre looks.

Although Zabini did have a point. They would have incredibly gorgeous babies together.

* * *

"Hello Draco."

"Hello Lovegood."

"Luna." she said immediately, "Call me Luna."

"Alright then, Luna. What can I do for you this evening?"

"Well," she pouted a bit. Hermione had told her to pout. "I'm actually in a bit of a situation. You see, I'm supposed to be singing at the Three Broomsticks tonight, but the only way McGonagall will let me go is if I'm accompanied by a prefect." That part was actually true. It was just the next part she lied about. "Apparently the head boy and girl are indispensible so Hermione can't come, the Ravenclaws are apparently both doing Quidditch practice and the Hufflepuffs are on duty. I just couldn't think of anyone to take me apart from you and Pansy and... Well, I prefer you to Pansy."

Draco noticed that she looked quite sexy when she pouted. "So this isn't just a very clever ruse to get into my trousers? I am genuinely a last resort?"

"Well, Pansy would be a last resort. You're like... second last resort."

"I'm not coming unless I'm last resort."

"Alright, I'll ask Pansy shall I? And when she says no you can come as my last resort."

"Nah, we'll skip the boring bit. Let's assume Pansy's already turned your offer of a night on the town down and you can scurry off to Hogsmeade like a good little girl. Tell McGonagall I'm on my way. Just want to make myself look a touch more foppishly good-looking and I'll follow you down."

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth – the one labelled 'Malfoy didn't question any of that bollocks' – Luna did indeed scurry away, not to McGonagall, but to Ginny and Hermione who were waiting around the corner with a bag of secret items.

"Good girl. Now slip into this and get to Hogsmeade immediately, girl. The first thing we want Malfoy to see is you up on stage singing that song. Merlin, you're irresistible." Luna had changed in record time out of her robes and into a white knee-length dress with a loose skirt and a plunging neckline. Against her newly short hair it made her look like a cheeky angel.

"Cheers. I must dash - I suppose I'll have to apparate, won't I? I hate that. Never mind. See you later; I'll sneak into Gryff to tell you about it. Toodle pip."

* * *

Draco creaked out of the front gates of the school and glanced about him. Before getting changed in super-quick time he had managed to get in a couple of good jabs to Blaise about taking his bird out on the town. Blaise said something along the lines of "If you've drugged her and are planning some kind of date rape I advise you to stop now. Girls don't like that."

Blaise was stupid.

No Blondie out here. Hmm. Oh well, he supposed she could make her own way there – McGonagall and he both knew Lovegood could take care of herself, McGonagall was just being annoying. He apparated to the entrance of the Three Broomsticks and looked around again. Alright, not here either. Must have missed her. Well, he'd just get a drink and wait. She wouldn't be long, and he could chat up some pleasing womenfolk in the interval.

With his mind made up he slipped into the bar, where a stage was set up on the left wall. He froze. There was a blonde girl on stage. A very gorgeous blonde girl, a man with a guitar was sitting behind her strumming quietly, and she was singing in a rich, bluesy voice, seeming forcing the words of a ballad out to the crowd. She was apparently floating in a cloud of fog that had been conjured to swirl effectively around her legs. She was wearing a thin, simple white dress, and her short hair was pushed back from her face from her running her hand through it.

He moved slowly further into the room, and pulled out a chair at a table in the corner with his eyes fixed on the woman. It couldn't be her.

"Save tonight, fight the break of dawn,"

The words L-the girl was singing seemed perfect in so many ways; the rest of the audience just didn't know it. He didn't understand how they could all be so oblivious, but there was no way they understood what she was talking about. She was here, now. Tomorrow she would just be L-the girl again, but tonight she was ethereal and beautiful.

Her voice seemed too passionate and full to be coming out of such a frail-looking body; he felt at any moment she might burst from the sheer weight of it, but she just kept going. Right until the last, beautiful, chord when the audience shouted it's appreciation.

He stood up without any conscious thought and made his way to the stage. It seemed very important that he see her right now.

"Lovegood, that was incredible... Why di- I didn't know you could sing." He had been about to ask why she hadn't told him, but thought better of it.

She shrugged modestly, her eyes ablaze from the adrenaline. "Well, yeah. I come down here pretty often for the open stage nights. What did you think of it?"

"I thought... well, it was... wow. I mean, very expressive"

"Thanks! Shall we get a drink? I don't think we have to go back yet."

"Yeah alright, I'll get them."

"I offered." She countered. "Two firewhiskey's please." Luna said to the barman, widening her eyes and smiling innocently until he slid them across the counter.

"For Christ's sake, I'm legal," Luna muttered on the way to the table. "You'd think I was still fifteen, having to flash my boobs to even get a butterbeer."

Draco took his firewhiskey as they sat down, and watched as Luna drank it as easily as if it were water.

"Merlin Lovegood, I didn't have you pegged as an alkie."

"I'm not. I just like a drink after I've performed. I'm so pumped I'd probably explode if I didn't get some kind of release."

Draco diligently peered down into his glass and tried not to comment on the very obvious innuendo of that sentence. He could never presume it to be intentional and Lovegood seemed the kind that was easily embarrassed by that kind of talk.

After what he considered a safe period of time he glanced back at her face, but she seemed entirely disinterested, looking around the pub as though searching for someone.

"Looking for something?"

"Oh, no. Are we talking again, then? I noticed you got rather flustered a minute ago."

It was almost impossible to recognise the sultry sex goddess that had graced the stage minutes before in the woman opposite him.

"Er, yes, I suppose we are."

"Good, that could've been awkward." She leaned forwards. "Do you want to leave? You seem distracted. I won't mind, you know."

"Nah, I haven't finished my drink." He said ungraciously, and turned away from her. He was disappointed. She was like Cinderella – absolute babe one minute, bit of a freak the next.

Luna sat back with a sigh. Deciding there was no point in hanging around if he was just going to ignore her, she stood up and went to grab her cloak. She made her way across the bar quickly and was about to disapparate when Draco grabbed her arm. He wasn't wearing his cloak and it was very cold, he was shivering slightly in the February air.

"Luna, don't leave. I'm sorry. I suppose I am distracted. You just surprised me up there, you were so... much. And now you're just... you. Again."

Luna pulled her arm away. "Well I'm sorry that I'm not enough, Draco. Maybe if you stopped treating me like you think I want to be treated and started listening to what I'm telling you then we'd get along better."

"What are you telling me?" He looked genuinely confused.

"Ugh, bollocks." She turned away from him, and then turned back and kissed, hard. "There. Now you've got something to tell your friends about."

Draco was stunned. The kiss was nothing special, and not long enough to be considered a proper snog. But he'd felt a bit of the passion he'd heard in her voice when she sung, and he desperately wanted to get close to it again.

"Luna, wait!"

But she was gone.


	5. Teamwork and Snowmen

I just realised I never thanked all of the wonderful people who reviewed chapter 3!

Nutmeg44 – thank you, I'm trying to make it normal and banterous between them, I think they have a very funny relationship and I want to play on that. Thanks for your chapter 4 review too!

22Moons – I'm glad to be of service (although it's a strange one) thanks! I hope you enjoy what's to come.

Ooogle x – you are a fantastic human being, thank you I feel that the silliness is slightly tailing off in the last chapter, but it's back full throttle here, don't worry.

Luna'Sister – BRILLIANT. I love it when that happens; I always have to tell my parents I've just thought of a maths-based joke because I'm supposed to be revising at the moment. Steamy fresh fanfic, coming right up.

The Last Adventure is Death - thank you! I'm sooo glad you like it. Vunderful.

So thanks. And thanks to those who story alerted/favourited, you are also brilliant, just not quite as brilliant as those who reviewed. Just kidding.

But maybe I'm not.

Or am I?

Anyway, the silliness became more of a slow simmer in the last chapter, feelings may have to get in the way of the hilarity on occasion, but not much. So I hope you're not averse to that.

Love you all, and I apologise for a ridiculously long AN,

TheGreenEyedIdiot xx

* * *

"So what happened?"

"I sung, he liked it, I stopped singing, he didn't like it, he got grumpy, I got grumpy, I left, he followed me, we argued a bit, I snogged him, he looked a bit stunned, I left."

"Well. Hell." Ginny sat down abruptly. Or she intended to, it was just that there was nothing to sit on, so essentially she fell over.

"You've had an interesting night, then?" Hermione was watching Ginny climb to her feet in an inconspicuous way.

"Yes. I think he liked the whole snogging scenario though, because he said 'Wait-', and then I disapparated."

"Well that's good. Although who can resist your womanly wiles?"

"Zabini, apparently. I bumped into him on the way to the tower- like, literally bumped into him. He just put his hand on my shoulder to help me get my balance back, said 'The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.' And buggered off!"

"..."

"What?"

"Exactly. So I'm thinking I should just go straight for Zabini."

"Um, Luna..." Ginny sounded worried.

"Yeah?"

"There's something I should tell you."

* * *

"Good night?"

"Spectacular would be the phrase, my dear Zabini. She sang like an angel and kissed like the devil."

"Isn't that a song-?"

"No. Anyway, the point is, I snogged her. I. Me. I snogged her. Before you. You're a failure of a man."

"I am stunned."

"Yes, well, don't be too hard on yourself. She's an incredible pull, by the way. I just thought I'd tell you, you know, since you're never going to get any."

"I am prostrate before you, my lord."

"It was quite the experience."

"Experience is just the name we give our mistakes."

"Well. I still snogged her first."

"I'm not contesting it. Although I thought Weasley was the one you were after?"

"Well Weaslette will see me with Luna and get insanely jealous, and then I can have her."

"Oh, I see."

"See? I'm a genius."

"Yes you are."

"Yeah. I am"

"I'm agreeing."

* * *

Blaise walked into the breakfast hall that morning with Draco.

"It's just hilarious, because soon I'll have my pick of two gorgeous girlies and you'll have neither. It's not like you were in love with Lovegood though, right? Because if you were I'm sorry mate, but I think she's a bit obsessed with me."

Blaise was ignoring him, his attention turned instead to the redhead who had just walked over.

"Alright Gin?" Blaise said, smiling. He leant down to give her a peck on the mouth.

Draco froze. "Wha-?"

"Hey Blaise, Malfoy." She nodded briefly at Malfoy. "I was just wondering, are we still on for later?"

"Yeah, definitely. 4 o'clock, right?"

"Yeah. I'll see you then." She smiled widely at him and gave him another peck on the mouth, before running back to the Gryffindor table.

"Zabini." Draco muttered. "We need to talk."

"Do we? Maybe later. I'm hungry, oooh look, pancakes!"

"What are you doing with the Weaslette? You know I called her!"

"You 'called' her?"

"Yeah, I get dibs! I saw her first!"

"What? Sort of like me with Lovegood?"

Draco narrowed his eyes. "You bastard. It was just going to be a shag with you and Lovegood."

"And it wasn't just going to be a shag with you and Ginny?"

"Well I don't know, do I? Maybe, maybe not."

Blaise sighed and turned to his breakfast. Teasing Malfoy was fun, but watching a certain Blonde had recently become a more absorbing pastime. To his surprise, this time she was staring right back at him. She didn't even look embarrassed when he noticed her staring; she just maintained a cool gaze, as though she was trying to work him out.

He returned her look with interest. What was she thinking?

* * *

"Luna, Lu, I'm sorry, alright? I just thought... well, we saw each other in the corridor while you were out and he looked so upset, you know? And I asked if it was because of you two and he said 'Among other things' and then he was telling me about his mum and how she wants him to 'go into the family business' – you know how she" Ginny mouthed this part, "kills off her rich husbands." She continued in her normal voice. "And he said he won't, he only wants to get married once and he wants it to be someone he loves and I said that it was very brave of him but he just said it was stupid of him, because now his mother will send him to France to Beauxbatons where apparently they teach the kids a more _impersonal_ approach to life and a more ruthless approach to money. Apparently she's trying to brainwash him. And I felt so sorry for him and then I offered to sit with him for a bit and then next thing I know we're snogging- I'm sorry. I'm going to break it off with him today; he told me he likes you."

Luna had kept silent throughout this whole tirade but now she spoke. "No, don't bother. He makes you happy and obviously he likes you otherwise he wouldn't be snogging you." She lifted her chin. "Go and meet him. Have fun. It's not like I was in love with him or anything."

Ginny looked sceptical. "Well, if you're sure..."

Luna nodded. Ginny's face cleared. "Alright then. Hey- we can double date!"

Luna tried to control her impulse to throw up at the thought, but reined herself in. "Yeah, cool. Perhaps we can all go out together at the next Hogsmeade weekend. Or when I'm singing at the Three Broomsticks."

Apparently this convinced Ginny that Luna really was fine about it all and her face split into a grin. "Great. Well, I'll see you later. Don't want to be late on the first date!"

Luna sighed and leant against the wall of the corridor.

Dammit.

* * *

"Hello Draco."

"Hello Luna." Draco perked up slightly at the sound of the blonde's voice. Perhaps she would snog him again.

"About the other night..."

"I'm sorry about that. I was a prat."

"Yes well, I was wondering if you'd like to do it again at some point. Ginny actually asked if we could... double date." She said the last words with distaste. Draco quite liked double dating. On more than one occasion he had simply swapped dates with the other hapless boy he was with if their date - Merlin forbid - was prettier than his.

This was one such occasion.

"Yeah, that'd be good. When were you thinking?"

"Next Hogsmeade weekend?"

"Great. Two weeks it is, then." With the date in place Draco felt more than entitled to a snog – it was, after all, the part he liked most about Luna. He leant in with his mouth slightly parted and expected to feel the hot flush of passion from Luna's mouth, but instead he felt a gust of cool air, and opened his eyes to find himself in the middle of a crowded corridor, apparently kissing thin air. Before some opportunistic little miscreant tried to swoop in and take advantage of his pout, he straightened up and looked around menacingly, as though daring anyone to ask what he had been doing.

The crowds suitably menaced, he swept away down the corridor, fuming silently at the cheek of the girl. Imagine! Turning down a kiss from Draco Malfoy!

Ridiculous.

* * *

Luna sped hastily away. After watching Malfoy apparently go in for a kiss – she sniggered at the image of his face drawn into a midair pout – and deciding she simply couldn't handle it, she had sprinted away down the corridor to the library.

On entering said library she immediately wished she hadn't come. Blaise and Ginny were at a table in the corner of the room 'studying', which obviously meant Blaise was pretending to study while Ginny tried to distract him.

She was about to turn tail and sprint away when Ginny noticed her in the doorway and beckoned her over. Luna grimaced and walked slowly towards the frolicking couple, who were both straightening themselves up and looking very flustered.

"Hey, Luna. Did you talk to Draco?" Ginny asked, linking her arm companionably through Blaise's.

"Yeah. He actually sounded excited." Luna said distastefully. "It's very weird. We weren't even friends two weeks ago and now he wants to double date with Gryffindors."

"Double date? Oh Merlin no, not that again." Blaise looked horrified.

"What? I think it's fun. We'll have a laugh." Ginny was prodding Blaise's side.

"No we won't, Draco will spend half the time trying to sneak his hand inappropriate places on Luna's body and the other half trying to sneak his hand inappropriate places on yours." He said, addressing Ginny. "He's difficult at the best of times, but double-dating Draco seems to think that both women are his dates, and the other bloke there is simply as a decoration to make the whole thing socially acceptable."

Ginny giggled. "Well you'll have to protect me then. I don't want to be besmirched by Malfoy."

"No besmirching shall befall you, my dear." Blaise said theatrically, getting to his feet and clasping Ginny's hand.

Ginny laughed and tried to tug him back down. Luna decided enough was enough.

"And what of me, good sir? Would you allow the pervert Malfoy to besmirch my good name?"

"That dependeth on your own preference, my lady. Wouldst you enjoyesth the besmirchment? Eth?"

"I fear not, my lord. For my date hath besmirched many before me, and to be honesteth, he's a bit annoyingeth."

"I see. Eth. Then I shall protect your honour as vigilantly as I guard my own fair woman's!"

"Cheers. I'm off, nice chatting." Luna walked away smiling. She had just told Blaise – albeit in olde English – that she didn't really like Draco. What he chose to do with that information was his business.

Unless he chose to make it her business.

Which wouldn't be so terrible.

* * *

"Hermione!"

"Hey, Theo. Why do you always shout my name? Is it just for me or it that how you address everyone?"

"It's just you, of course. You walk very bloody quickly."

"Sorry, it's my nature. Also five years of potions with Snape have engrained the message 'NEVER BE LATE FOR POTIONS" into a very prominent place in my memory."

"You make a good point."

"Of course I do." She smiled broadly at Theo. Their talks had become a part of the day that she looked forward to, more so even than getting back the marks from a test.

"So what's new with you?" Theo said quietly as they slipped into their seats.

Hermione grinned again. She loved that he asked things about her. "Nothing – oh well, Luna asked Draco out to make Blaise jealous and hopefully get him to ask her out, but then it backfired because Blaise asked Ginny out possibly out of revenge."

"Blaise and Weasley? Seriously? I didn't think she was his type. He's into blondes, and he really liked Luna. Maybe he's just trying to piss Malfoy off."

"Malfoy?"

"Yeah, Malfoy was quite into Weasley. He was bragging about how he had the pick of Luna and Ginny to Blaise, and that he got Luna before Zabini did."

"Malfoy liked Ginny? Jesus, they're useless. None of them seem to be going out with the one they actually want to. Apart from Gin, that is, and she'll get bored soon."

"What are we going to do about this?"

"We? So we're a team now?" Hermione was smiling inwardly.

"I should think so, yes. What are we going to do?"

"I think I have the inklings of a plan. Do you know someone who can get hold of a troll and a goat for us?"

"No."

"Oh." Hermione looked mildly disappointed. "Plan B it is."

* * *

Ginny was bored. She was utterly astounded that someone like Blaise Zabini could bore her, but he had managed it. He didn't like talking about his family life or what was going on with his mother. It appeared that the break down in the corridor that night had been a one-off, which was a shame because she had an insatiable craving for details. Whenever she brought it up he managed to laugh it off or change the subject with a joke.

The witty repartee they shared quickly became old because she couldn't ever win. He had a comeback for everything and whenever she thought she had won, which could go on for a day or so, he would pull something out of the hat that completely blew her out of the water. It was humiliating, and she didn't like being humiliated.

Also, he wasn't as into the physical side of the relationship as she was. Not that he wasn't into it, it was just that she often used a snog as a way to say hello, goodbye, that-was-sweet-, bless-you, shut-up, you're-weird, as a subject changer, and a silence breaker. He just seemed to kiss her out of the blue for no reason sometimes and then not really be into it the next. He was very eloquent; she found that expressing her feelings was easier though kissing and touching him.

He was just weird.

And what made it worse was that she just knew he and Luna would be brilliant together.

"Alright Weasley?"

"Malfoy." She nodded.

"How's it going? I heard about your plan for a double date next week, sounds fun."

"I hope so. Blaise and Luna don't seem that up for it."

Draco grinned. "Blaise is just worried about the competition."

"What about Luna?"

"Yes, that is a good question."

"Is it?"

"Well put it this way: you could have just said 'Luna?' to me, and that would be enough to stump me. The girl's a bloody mystery."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"She's just... she's unusual. You know that, you're friends with her. It's just a bit bizarre, like a female Blaise. And she's not very into the whole physical thing. Like, if I try to kiss her goodnight or say something poetic she just goes 'Oh Merlin, don't. That's horribly cheesy.'"

Ginny sighed. "Blaise never even tries to kiss me goodnight. I think the pair of them are just far too self-assured. I can compliment Blaise on something once. After that he's like 'I know. You said. Don't keep saying it, I won't believe you and it sounds contrived.' At least you're making an effort, I'm sure she appreciates that."

Draco snorted. "I bloody hope so, that may be our saving grace – otherwise we're doomed."

"Bit morbid."

"I like to think so, yes."

They smiled at each other. Ginny was feeling rather giddy.

"Let's do something weird!"

"Like what?"

"I don't know... charm people's clothes to race around the corridors... make an army of dancing snowmen in the entrance hall... anything!"

Draco was getting into it now. "Yeah we could... we could dress up as woodland creatures and scamper around frightening children!"

At that Ginny could apparently take no more, because she whipped out her wand and conjured two animal outfits. Draco had a swan and Ginny had a badger. They scrambled into their outfits, and Draco conjured piles of snow all along the corridor. They began by having a ferocious snowball fight, and then settled into a friendly snowman-making competition.

"Come on then, bird-boy, if you think you're hard enough!" Ginny called down the corridor, brandishing her paws at the steadily approaching swan who obviously wanted nothing more than to decapitate her beautiful snowman.

"I'm definitely hard enough, but just one thing-"

"What? Aren't going chicken on me are you bird-boy?"

The swan weighed a snowball in his wing and said- "Swans are water fowl. Not birds."

And he launched the snowball right at the badger's head, who managed to duck out of the way, but it hit her snowman and severely wounded its shoulder. The badger surveyed the damage.

"You will pay for this, water-fowl-boy. You will pay."


	6. Dwarves and Snogging

Hello all!

I feel I need to explain my story plan to prevent you all becoming restless at the lack of Draco/Ginny. As I have said; this is a Draco/Ginny, Luna/Blaise and Hermione/Theo story, which means all of them will get their turn. They are each going to be experiencing troubles in getting together. We have almost resolved Luna/Blaise, so the next two chapters will be moving on to Hermione/Theo, and then Draco/Ginny. I love that pairing so I am trying to get as much build up as possible.

With that out of the way-

22Moons - thanks very much! You won't have to wait long.

Luna'Sister - You made me smile like mad with that review, thank you! I'm not sure I deserve it, but I'll take what I can get :P

Nutmeg44 - I've seen your reviews on a lot of D/G stories by the way, an I'm flattered that you like it :D

StorySeaEyes - cheers, I'm surprised how sweet H/T turned out as well, actually. Not much to 'yes' at in this chapter, sorry :( but never fear, more is coming.

The Last Adventure is Death - thank you! Your reviews always make me grin insanely, and then I can't stop. I have no idea how I come up with it. As soon as Ginny said 'let's do something weird!' that, apparently, is what my mind decided was the best course of action.

Thank you ALL for reviewing, I feel so spoiled. And thanks for favouriting too.

Peace out,

TheGreenEyedIdiot xx

"Blaise! You're here."

"My God, you're right! I am!"

"Oh, sit down and stop being a prat. Ginny and Draco haven't turned up."

"Fantastic. Gin's the only reason I even came. I hate doubles."

"Me too. I mean, not for Ginny. For Draco. I came for Draco."

"I know." Blaise glanced at her face.

They sat in silence for a moment.

"Do you want a drink?" Blaise said finally.

"Yeah, hang on." She went to stand up, but Blaise beat her to it.

"I offered." He smiled at her and walked to the bar. Luna sighed. They couldn't have forgotten; they'd had to get special permission from McGonagall to be out this late, and that was on the condition that Hermione and Draco were with them at all times. Hermione was supposed to be bringing Theo because she didn't want to be a fifth wheel and all four of them were late. It wasn't that she didn't like Blaise's company – on the contrary. She was just worried that in a moment of utter carelessness her hand may brush his and that would be the end of her self-control. Ginny didn't deserve that – alright, so she stole him from her in the first place, but she had no way of knowing how Luna really felt about him, did she?

Bitch.

Oh, he was back. Carrying two firewhiskeys, she was pleased to note. Blaise handed her one.

"Sorry, I don't know what you like before a performance, but I thought to myself, Blaise, hard liquor is the answer to most of life's questions, it's your best bet."

Luna smiled. "You chose right." She knocked back her drink in two gulps and exhaled slowly.

Blaise watched in astonishment. "Bravo, Blondie. I'd offer to get you another one but I'm guessing that can wait until after, right?"

Luna nodded dreamily. "Yes, I can wait." She wasn't sure whether she was talking about the drink or ripping Blaise's trousers off. Either way, it appeared that she was going to have to wait.

The door of the pub opened and the other four slipped in. Hermione was muttering to Theo and as soon as Draco noticed Luna and Blaise alone together he strode over quickly and gave Luna a hard kiss on the mouth.

"Sorry love, Theo and Granger had an argument and Granger did a spell which meant he was stuck to the gates for half an hour. We tried everything, but she used a variation on a permanent sticking charm and so we had to just wait. If I'd known you were alone with Zabini"- he shot Blaise a hard look- "I'd have come anyway. Never mind, we're all here now. Drink? Luna?"

"I've already had one, so no thanks."

"Oh. Did Zabini make you buy him one as well or am I getting him one?"

Blaise brandished him glass. "I got us both one."

"He bought you a drink?" Draco turned to Luna, surprised.

Luna rolled her eyes, "Yes, he wouldn't let me pay. Now please excuse me – I've got to speak to the guitarist about my song."

Draco rounded on Blaise. "I can't believe you bought her a drink. I can't believe she let you buy her a drink. How did you do it?"

"Simple," Blaise replied, "I offered first."

"Well, I would buy you a drink," Said Ginny, speaking for the first time, "But I'm skint. Anyone willing to donate to a charitable cause?"

"Of course, I'll get a round." Draco said gallantly. "Firewhiskey for everyone?"

After receiving the affirmative, Draco left for the bar.

"Alright Blaise?" Theo asked.

"Theo, Hermione. Back to being chums I see?"

"Yeah. It was stupid really."

"It strange, being glued to the school railings for thirty minutes has an odd memory-loss effect on those involved." Theo smiled warmly down at Hermione, who giggled and elbowed him gently in the side.

"Cheeky."

Draco came back with the drinks and put them down in front of each person.

"Luna not back?"

"Nah. It must be her turn soon." Ginny glanced at the running order spell-o-taped to the wall. As if on cue a deep, magically projected voice sounded from the stage. They craned their necks to see the speaker - who had to be some kind of dwarf - parading around the stage in a spangly purple jumpsuit. The effect was rather overwhelming.

One or two ladies fainted.

"And now, we have the beautiful, the marvellous, the angelic Luna Lovegood, who has asked me to inform you that she has made a last minute change of song. She will now be singing a song by the muggle singer," the dwarf glanced at a sheet of paper, "John Mayer, with the song: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room. Take it away Luna!"

The lights went black for a moment, and when they flared up Luna was onstage wearing a short green dress that was tight around her waist and breasts but loose everywhere else. She was standing in a spotlight, with another on the guitarist behind her. The guitarist was playing a warbling intro, and Luna was swaying gently in time, until she leant to the microphone, and she turned into the goddess of before. Draco watched her greedily, trying to fit all of her into his memory so he could pull this gem out when she was boring him to tears.

Hermione clutched Theo's arm. She knew Luna could sing, but this was awesome. She was surprised. She also understood why Draco was watching her so intently now. But she also noticed that Blaise was watching her with an almost painful intensity. Blaise looked more sincere in his appraisal, as though he was actually listening to the lyrics, and not just mentally banging her, and Draco was clearly doing. Hermione knew and loved the song already, and thought Luna had made a wonderful choice.

The guitarist was going into a strained solo, and Luna was drifting around the stage seemingly unaware of her own actions. Draco became uninterested during this period, but Blaise kept watching, as though he was gleaning information from the way she moved. Ginny was watching Blaise watching Luna, and realising that she was going to have to break up with him. The lyrics of the song and they way he watched Luna were combining to be a very powerful mixture, and she got to her feet.

She leant to Blaise's ear and whispered "I can't do this with you anymore; it's not fair on any of us. Sorry." And she left, not even slightly sad until she saw the jumpsuited dwarf outside and felt rather faint.

Back inside the pub Luna was finishing her song. Draco was coming down from his 'that's-my-girlfriend' high, and had started hitting his 'that's-my-girlfriend' low. Blaise was blinking experimentally, as though he had been staring at the sun for a long time, and Hermione and Theo were snogging.

* * *

Luna left the stage by the wing exit, and came out into the backstage area. She liked it back there – technicians and wires littered the place, as well as nervous-looking performers and their friends. It was just a few store rooms that had been sectioned off for this purpose, but it always made her feel like a rock star, especially with people like Gorgeous Steve about. Gorgeous Steve did technically have a job, but no one seemed entirely sure what it was. Whatever he did, it seemed to involve having sex with a lot of the female performers and technicians, and whoever else he could rustle up backstage.

She could see the back of his gorgeous head (they didn't call him Gorgeous Steve for nothing) from here, apparently snogging someone just outside the stage door. She had just grabbed a butterbeer from the tray on a rickety-looking table when Gorgeous Steve rotated his prey so that she could see the back of their head. Their red head.

Ginny.

Luna saw red – literally – and changed out and into the couple, knocking Gorgeous Steve (who didn't have a very good sense of balance) over, and making Ginny (who did) wobble a bit.

"You bitch!" Luna tackled the redhead to the floor, and sat astride her, slapping her across the forehead. Ginny, however, was no featherweight, and simply rolled Luna over so that their positions were reversed. In the process of the charging and tackling Luna's open beer had sprayed all over Ginny, and was now dripping from her face and hair onto Luna.

Gorgeous Steve sat up, "Now now ladies, don't fight. I'm open to sharing."

"Fuck off, Steve!" Luna shouted from underneath Ginny, who now had her hands pinned to prevent any more slapping.

A rather sizable crowd had now formed around the pair. Every male in the vicinity had apparently come to watch the 'two beer-covered babes fighting!'

"Let go of her arms!"

"Get out of the way, Steve, you're ruining the bloody picture."

"Free her! Fight, fight!"

"Throw more beer over them!"

Someone emptied another bottle of butterbeer over Ginny, who didn't even look behind her to fire a bat-bogey hex at the offending party. Unfortunately this meant freeing one of Luna's arms, and she immediately began hitting the red head again.

"Luna! Luna calm down, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? You're getting off with Gorgeous Steve!"

"So?"

Luna bucked her legs, trying to dislodge Ginny – or kill her, depending on where her kick actually landed. The crowd cheered.

"Do it again!"

"Woohoo!"

"So! You're going out with Blaise and you know how I feel about him and you're just messing him around, you don't even appreciate him! For Merlin's sake, Gin, what's wrong with you? Are you really stupid or are you actually just a bitch?"

And then Ginny laughed.

Luna roared with frustration and bucked her legs again – "Oh yeah! That's hot." – this time managing to dislodge Ginny and throw her off-kilter enough to reverse their positions once more. Luna glared down at her.

"I can't believe you."

"No, no, Luna, I just- listen to me! Listen, I was just... relieved, because it wasn't anything worse." Luna growled again. "No, look. I broke it off with Blaise. Just now. While you were singing. You know I'm not supposed to be with him. You should have seen the way he was watching you, he looked entranced. He looked in love!"

"Yeah." Luna relaxed a bit. She slid off Ginny – the crowd of men booed - and sat down next to her. "Yeah, just like Malfoy was 'in love' with me. It all stops as soon as I stop singing." She glanced at Ginny, who was sitting up now. "You really broke up with him?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. I'm er... I'm sorry about that, then." The crowds were dispersing now.

"No problem." Ginny said airily. "Beer is really good for your hair. Makes it shiny." She glanced slyly at Luna, who giggled.

"Well, I suppose I need to talk to Blaise, tell him about me and Gorgeous Steve."

"Now?"

"No time like the present. Don't worry - I won't mention you and the tackling incident. Not that he'd mind; I think he'd probably like it if he knew."

Ginny went over to the beer tray and grabbed one, and then slid it over to Luna who was still sitting on the floor.

"See you later, mate."

Ginny skipped out of the stage door, presumably coming back in through the main pub door. Luna sat on the floor for another ten long minutes, until footsteps broke the silence. They moved from the stage door and around to the front of her, where she could see they belonged to someone with quite large feet wearing pointed boots.

Her gaze travelled unwillingly upwards, over long legs in tight grey jeans, an angular torso and finally Blaise Zabini's head. For which she had too many words to describe it adequately in one phrase. She noted, however, that at the moment it was sporting a rather red hand print across the right cheek.

"Alright Zabini." Luna said dully, playing with her now almost-empty bottle.

"Luna." He sat down beside her carefully. "My darling petal, how are you this evening?"

"Adequately crap, my good sir, and yet there is hope on the horizon. Yourself?"

"Much the same, in fact." He stopped, and then smiled at her. "Ginny slapped me."

"What?" Luna was too confused for words. "Why?"

"Because she snogged Gorgeous Steve. I think I was supposed to be upset, but I wasn't. So she slapped me and accused me of being 'unfeeling'. Which I find mildly confusing, seeing as she's the one that did it."

Luna tilted her head. "Odd."

"Yes, I never did understand that girl."

"No, I mean it's odd that you weren't upset. Maybe you haven't met Gorgeous Steve, but he's gorgeous."

"Actually I have, but I suppose I was still a bit distracted from your fight."

Luna groaned. "Oh Merlin, you saw that?"

Blaise grinned in a way that made him look oddly like a shark.

"You are grinning in a way that makes you look oddly like a shark." Luna informed him.

"You love it."

Luna elbowed him. Quite hard.

"Sorry."

"I can't believe you saw us fighting. Why didn't you intervene?"

"Because I would have been mobbed by about twenty men. But also because it was sexy."

Luna blushed a bit. "You flirt."

"I know. Please forgive me; I'm trying to seduce you."

"Unnecessarily, I may add."

"Touché."

There was a pause.

"You thought it was sexy?"

"As hell. Partly because, well, you know, what's not to like about two fit girls wrestling covered in beer?" He winked cheekily. "But mainly because you were defending my honour. That was very sweet of you."

Luna buried her head in her hands. "Oh, shut up, you old perv."

"I am not old! How dare you. I'm 18."

"Exactly – I'm 17. So was Ginny actually – can't get anyone your own age to go out with you?"

"I don't want to go out with anyone my age. I want to go out with you."

"Are you asking me out?"

"Perhaps."

"I'm going to need a little more effort than that I'm afraid Mr Zabini."

"Fine. Dearest, darling Queen Petal; would you do me the honour of going out with me?"

"Yes I will, you sappy idiot."

"Fabulous. Fancy a quickie in the store room?"

* * *

Hermione was smitten, but she was also pacing. What? What just happened? What was- What? Theo? Theodore Nott?

This was bonkers.

Alright, so he'd been a friendy-type person for a while. And he was lovely. And he had rumply hair and kind eyes. And he was lovely. And he was clever and funny and cheeky. And he was interested in her. And he was good at snogging- don't think about it, Hermione!

He was lovely, though.

But what about Ron? Ron, Ron, sweet, funny Ron who she had loved since their first year when he sacrificed himself during that horrible chess game.

Ron was nice. He was bumbling and funny and sweet. Ron was her best friend and they'd been through so much and... oh hell. She'd spent most of her life without an iota of male attention - apart from Victor, of course - and now she had to choose between two men who could potentially and equally be the love of her life.

"Arse." Hermione muttered. "Arse, arse arse, ARSE! ARSE FACE!"

"I don't know about that. I happen to think I'm quite attractive." Ginny sidled into the bathroom, and took a seat on the sinks, next to where Hermione was currently pacing.

"What am I gonna do, Gin?"

"About Theo?"

"No, about my hair. What do you think of it today? Yes, about Theo!"

"No need to be rude. I'd've thought a bit of snogging would've cheered you up but apparently you're determined to be Miss Grumpy knickers for eternity. Merlin Hermione, it's not like someone died."

"Hmm."

"Did they? Oh, Merlin's balls, what have you done?"

"Nothing!"

"Right. So if I go outside and check the bins I won't find a horribly mutilated Theo/Ronald in there?"

"No."

"I see."

There was a silence.

"I sort of feel the need to check anyway-"

"I didn't kill them!"

"Ok." Ginny looked around fervently, much in the same way that someone who was checking their getaway route would. Not that that was what she was doing.

Hermione hoisted herself into the sink next to Ginny.

"I've just got a hard decision ahead, I can feel it. It's sort of feathery." Hermione got a faraway look in her eyes, as though she was wise beyong her years.

"Stop pretending to be omniscient, you look like a mole. Anyway, you're feeling that owl jabbing into your back, not the winds of change."

Hermione looked behind her and pulled out a very ruffled-looking owl."Oh. That's a bit bizarre." She put the owl down next to her and addressed it; "Sorry about that." She then turned to Ginny. "Well, whatever. I still have a very big decision. I mean; Theo or Ron? Ron or Theo? Theo or Ron? It's the same question, just lots of different versions of it swirling around my brain."

"Well, why do you have to choose now?"

"Because! Theo's going to ask me out, I can just tell. And if i say yes Ron will get all huffy and won't speak to me, and if I say no, Theo will get all huffy and won't speak to me."

"Or maybe he'll keep trying. You don't have to decide - proscratinate, proscrastinate, proscrastinate, that's what my uncle Bilius used to say."

Hermione looked at Ginny and frowned. "But what if he doesn't keep trying?"

"Then he's not the love of your life. Seriously, if he doesn't come back with a way to make sure you definately choose him then he's not good enough for you."

"Aww, that's so lovely."

"Only the best for my Hermione." Ginny said seriously.

Hermione slid out of the sink and patted her on the head. "You'll make a wonderful human one day."

Ginny thought about that for a moment.

"Smug cow." She said decisively.


End file.
